Carpe diem!

The reader may approach with caution!

This isn’t one of those feel-good blogs!

There is nothing inspiring here!

For once I want to write something real!

So, approach with caution!

How do people pull it off? How do they post the pretty pictures and amazing milestones, but never the processes to the milestones? How are there no cracks on their walls when mine is filled with so much? Why does it feel like every time I’m on social media, my life is going nowhere while the people around me are changing and growing? People younger than me are out there changing the world or at least traveling it. People are writing about real world issues and making a difference, while I’m out here deciding whether my next meal is coming from the downstairs fridge or the day-old lunch box sitting at corner of my room, which I have absolutely forgotten about.  And it’s always the same process,

“Come on Lily lets fix our life today.”

“O sure, but why not tomorrow?”

“Come on lily, let’s wake up early today?”

“O sure but I’m so tiered today, maybe tomorrow.”

“Come on lily, let’s clean our room.”

“I don’t know maybe tomorrow.”

“Come on lily, let’s go out for a walk today.”

“Really not feeling it, maybe tomorrow.”

“Come on lily, let’s start that project.”

“I SAID TOMMOROW”

Well, tomorrow came, it became today and now its yesterday and I’m still in bed. I’m sick and tired of staying in bed, all day just scrolling and scrolling and getting nowhere. And it’s not like I don’t have anything to do, I have a million things to do, a million placeless to be. I have said it before it’s okay to have our down moments but how long are the down moments okay to have?

I wanted to start this year (2016 E.C) by writing about something inspirational, like how I survived 4 years of college, or how I have grown and evolved into something entirely different. I was going to write about the things I have learned by leaving my home, by losing someone special to me, of how much I have changed since high school, but that would be a lie. People don’t change. Our environment changes, people around us come and go but we are forever constant. A tiger can never shade its stripes, can it? So, what we actually do is adapt to our ever-changing environment. The harder our environment the harder we are to break. We adapt to the harsh or soft weather we have to face.

I remember a time in my life where the weather was soft. I used to smile more, laugh so loud, love with all my heart, trust with naivety, create with my whole heart, write lyrics and stories on everything I could find, I would always have a tune in my head, and I remember wanting to live. I had passion for this one life I had to live. I had so much of me to give but then life got harsher. I trusted less, cried more, slept till noon, and everything I had to do got pushed to tomorrow and I stopped living today. One of my friends told me “ኑሮን እንጂ አንዋርዋሩን ታቂበታለሽ”. Which basically means I know all the theories on how to live life, you should see the advice I give my friends, but I don’t know how to apply all the theories I know to my own life. I talk big talk about changing the world but my energy just doesn’t match the life coming out of my mouth.

So, I’m not writing this to vent or for you to feel sorry or judge me. I’m writing this because people don’t change, but they sure can change their environment. I’m tired of living under the shadow of all I could be, the potential that lies dormant. I’m tired of living for tomorrow, I want to live now. I want to live, love, trust, sometimes hurt, hope and just give my everything to today. I don’t want to be scared to live. I want to seize the day. Carpe diem!