{"id":102,"date":"2022-09-17T05:09:49","date_gmt":"2022-09-17T04:09:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thoughtsofcontradictorymind.wordpress.com\/?p=102"},"modified":"2022-09-17T05:09:49","modified_gmt":"2022-09-17T04:09:49","slug":"un-inspirationally-inspirational","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtsofacontradictorymind.com\/?p=102","title":{"rendered":"Un-Inspirationally inspirational"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One night I was having this long-winded conversation with my little brother. We started talking about random things, but you know how unintended conversations tend to drift off into something that won\u2019t let you sleep at night. Hence, why I am writing this instead of sleeping. As our conversation grew into territories, I didn\u2019t intend for it to get he said something that struck me deep. He said, \u201cyour life isn\u2019t inspirational\u201d. I know maybe I shouldn\u2019t take the word of a 17-year-old, but it got me thinking. Why are we alive if not to be inspirational?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life hasn\u2019t been easy I will be honest. The most inspirational people in this world are people that went through hell and found ways to be better for it. Let\u2019s be honest my brother’s definition of inspirational people tends to be people that have their life together, people that wake up early and go to the gym, people that have clean rooms, people that go to church and have an amazing relationship with God, people that aren\u2019t tainted by the purity culture and \u201cchurch people\u201d and I am none of the above. I tend to sometimes lose time, I never stay focused on one thing, my interest\u2019s change every two weeks if I\u2019m lucky, I tend to sleep a lot, I never really mind a messy room and sometimes I lose faith and people effect my judgment.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hear all the stories and read books about people that made it in life, from rags to riches. We hear stories about how hard work and dedication can get you to the goal that you want. No one ever tells you what to do on the bad days, on the days where you feel like no matter what you do nothing will change, on the days that feel like everything around you is suffocating you, on the days where, when you see the sun rising you think to yourself \u201cWHY, GOD? WHY?\u201d and even if they tell you about those days, it is some babble about power through, all you have to be is dedicated, you\u2019re not depressed you are just lazy, get out of the bed, get clean air, take a walk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know some of these work for someone out there and I\u2019m glad they do. But for those of us that took a walk and still felt drained and exhausted, I\u2019m glad it didn\u2019t work for us. Because as I sat there looking at my brother and hearing that my life didn\u2019t amount to anything I thought back to all that I have been through. I know sometimes even for me it feels like I am giving excuses, excuses that say I get to be the way that I am because the world did me wrong. And I know that leads to this sense of entitlement that so many of us have. But at the end of the day whether I spent the day curled up in bed or working my ass off, I don\u2019t need to be inspirational to anybody but to 13-year-old me. Because 13 year old me never thought I would survive outside of my home(well no one did but that\u2019s another topic for another day), she never thought I would move miles away from my parents, she never thought I would make friends, she never thought I would learn to forgive, she never thought I would actually put my writing out there for people to read(well 3 readers, but hey that\u2019s something), she never thought I would lose so much, and she definitely never thought I would get to 21. So, cheers to all of you out there who are surviving the day, who are doing the best that you can with what you were dealt with. Yes, sometimes we don\u2019t do much on the days that suck. But on the days that matter, on the days where living doesn\u2019t suck too much, I know we do our best. Here is to being un-inspirationally inspirational to little you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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